TUGBOAT
Do not try this at home. Remember, this is a professional captain.
The towboat is approaching the bridge with barges loaded with coal.
This frame gives you an idea of how fast the river is running. Obviously at or near flood stage
Oh CRAP!!! The bridge didn't open and the boat can't stop. Notice that the tug has released the barges.
He is backing as hard as possible to try and avoid a collision with the bridge.
Can't back down enough against the current.
Uh Oh! The current has swung the boat around sideways.
The cook thinks maybe something isn't quite right.
The boss is going to be REAL mad!
Uh... Boss? Do we have flood insurance on this boat?
Uh.... Boss? You ain't gonna believe what we just did!
She's low, but the flag is still flying.
The wheelhouse door and the door in the second deck are now open. Look close at the bottom righthand side of the picture and you will see that the bridge guardrail is underwater.
Look at the water pouring out of the second deck doorway.
The working deck is still underwater, but rising.
Notice anything unusual? Look at the smoke coming from the exhausts. This thing is running!!!
Notice the propwash at the rear of the tug. The boat is upright and back under power.
Ho Hum. Just another day on the river.
Crisco
An old lady is walking around in a supermarket calling out,
"Crisco, Crisssssssco!"
Soon a store clerk approaches and says, "Lady, the Crisco is in aisle D"
The old lady replies, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff.
I'm calling my husband."
The clerk is astonished. "Your husband's name is Crisco?"
The old lady answers, "Oh no, no, no. I only call him that when we're out in public."
"I see," said the clerk. "What do you call him at home?"
"Lard ass."
Everyone:
I hate it when people forward bogus warnings...but this one is real And it's important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail iist:
If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks, and asks you to take all your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT -- IT IS A SCAM!ÊÊThey only want to see you naked.
I wish I'd gotten this yesterday. I feel so stupid & cheap now.
A young man from a prominent family was being divorced by his glamorous wife. His lawyer called with news about the property settlement. "The good news is that she isn't asking for any share of your future inheritance.""Great!" said the young man. "What's the bad news?""Well," said the lawyer, "after the divorce, she's marrying your father!"
RECENT STUDY FOUND OUT WHICH DAYS MEN PREFER TO HAVE SEX. IT WAS FOUND THAT MEN PREFERRED TO ENGAGE IN SEXUAL ACTIVITY ON THE DAYS THAT STARTED WITH THE LETTER "T".
EXAMPLES OF THOSE DAYS ARE AS FOLLOWS:
TUESDAY
THURSDAY
TODAY
TOMORROW
THANKSGIVING
THATURDAY
THUNDAY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE PERFECT BREAKFAST...AS A MAN SEES IT.....
YOU'RE SITTING AT THE TABLE AND YOUR SON IS ON THE COVER OF WHEATIES......
YOUR MISTRESS IS ON THE COVER OF PLAYBOY.........
AND YOUR WIFE IS ON THE BACK OF THE MILK CARTON.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHAT'S THE BEST FORM OF BIRTH CONTROL AFTER 50?
NUDITY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
ABOUT 45 LBS.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BOYFRIEND AND A HUSBAND?
ABOUT 45 MINUTES
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A SOUTHERN ZOO AND A NORTHERN ZOO?
A SOUTHERN ZOO HAS A DESCRIPTION OF THE ANIMAL ON THE FRONT OF THE CAGE, ALONG WITH A RECIPE.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHAT'S THE CUBAN NATIONAL ANTHEM?
ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT..........
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ! A NORTHERN FAIRYTALE AND A SOUTHERN FAIRYTALE?
A NORTHERN FAIRYTALE BEGINS "ONCE UPON A TIME....."
AND A SOUTHERN FAIRYTALE BEGINS...........
"Y'ALL AIN'T GONNA BELIEVE THIS SHIT.".
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