Ha!
THE SMARTER SEX
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days. The man replied, "I agree with you completely. "This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cork back in, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
Security
150 years ago, President Lincoln found it necessary to hire a private investigator "Alan Pinkerton" for protection.

That was the beginning of the Secret Service.

Since that time, the federal government has produced a large number of multi-letter agencies such as:

FBI, CIA, INS, IRS, DEA, BATF, etc.

Now we have the "Federal Air Transportation Airport Security Service." Can't you see them now, these 'highly trained' men and women in their black outfits with jackets saying across the backs:

"F.A.T.A.S.S."

The FATASS's are of course supervised by a special section of the Home Land Security Section known as:

Airport Security Service
Home Office Logistics
Enhancement Section
or the:

A.S.S.H.O.L.E.S.



I feel safer already....
George Carlin on aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids?
If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!"
You're never thirty-six and a half.
You're four and a half, going on five!

That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back.
You jump to the next number ... or even a few ahead.
"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!"
You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16!
And then the greatest day of your life ... you become 21.
Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21.
YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh ...what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out.

There's no fun now. You're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.

Whoa! Put on the brakes ... it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 ... and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE IT to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE IT to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn't end there Into the 90s, you start going backwards ... "I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens.
If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!" May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them!"

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. "An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often ... long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

. 6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love ...whether it's ... family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health.

If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall ... even to the next county ...to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them ...at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

And if you don't send this to at least 8 people ... Who Cares! But do share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day.
Other Sites of Interest

http://www.thehungersite.com - Feed a hungry kid, it's free.
http://www.camzone.com - Live camera shots of Del Mar, CA. Including Shamu.
http://www.bored.com - Great site with lots of fun stuff.
http://www.bonzi.com  - fun / annoying little bird that can read your e-mail.

[ About Us ] [ Business To Business Sites ] [ Retail Sites ] [ Contact us ]
[ Client Access ] [ Press ] [ Events ] [ Home ] [ Logos ] [ Request For Quote ]
[ Removable Tattoos ] [ Cyberwinks ] [ Tattoo Trading Cards ]
[ Retail Tattoos ] [ Whozy Woozy ] [ Sneaker Art ] [ Tattoo Hangtags ]
[ Scooz ] [ TIC ] [ Tattoo Greeting Cards ] [ Friday Joke ]

© 1998 Chris Co. Inc.