A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front
of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself. "You know, dear," she
says, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all
wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, and my butt is hanging out a
mile. I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby. " She turns to her
husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about
myself."
He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft,
thoughtful voice, "Well, ..there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."
Services for the husband will be held Saturday morning at 10:30 at St.
Anselm's Memorial Chapel. Female friends of the family are invited.
A REAL GROANER
Two guys in a bar... One says "Did your hear the news,
Mike is dead?"
"Wooo, what the hell happened to him?"
"Well, he was on his way over to my house the other
day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom,
he hit the pavement and the car flips up and he crashed through the sunroof,
went flying through the air and smashed through
my upstairs bedroom window."
"What a horrible way to die!"
"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at
all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all
covered in broken glass on the floor.
Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the
room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up.
He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe
comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking
most of his bones."
"What a way to go, that's terrible!"
"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that.
He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls
out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on
the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks
and he goes falling down on to the first floor.
In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and
fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right
through him."
"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"
"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that.
So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen.
He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on
the cooker, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water,
whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned
most of his skin off him."
"Man, what a way to go!"
"No no, he survived that! He's lying on the
ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone
and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but
instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing
off the wall and the water and electricity didn'tmix and so he got electrocuted, wallop,10,000 volts shot through him."
"Now that is one awful way to go!"
"No, no, he survived that, he ...."
"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"
"I shot him!"
"You shot him?
What the hell did you shoot him for?"
"He was wrecking my house."
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile... somewhere in Houston, a woman had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister for many years and had been "called home to glory" following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read :
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2002
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
 |
 |
|
Other Sites of Interest http://www.thehungersite.com - Feed a hungry kid,
it's free. |
|
[
About Us ]
[ Business To Business Sites ]
[ Retail Sites ]
[ Contact us ] [ Client Access ] [ Press ] [ Events ] [ Home ] [ Logos ] [ Request For Quote ] [ Removable Tattoos ] [ Cyberwinks ] [ Tattoo Trading Cards ] [ Retail Tattoos ] [ Whozy Woozy ] [ Sneaker Art ] [ Tattoo Hangtags ] [ Scooz ] [ TIC ] [ Tattoo Greeting Cards ] [ Friday Joke ] © 1998 Chris Co. Inc. |