...YOU JUST MIGHT BE A BLUE NECK IF...
....Instead of referring to two or more people as "Y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.
....You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
....You think Heinz Ketchup is way too SPICY.
....You would never stop to buy something somebody was cooking on the side of the road. ( e.g., boiled peanuts or catfish).
....You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce"correctly.
....For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes-au-gratin to grits.
....You don't know what a moon pie is.
....You've never had an RC Cola.
....You've never eaten okra -- fried, boiled, or pickled.
....You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.
....You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.
....You have no idea what a polecat is.
....You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on your dog.
....You don't have bangs.
....You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.
.....You drink either "Pop" or "Soda"-instead of "Cokes."
....You've never eaten, and don't know how to make, a tomato sandwich.
....You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-'n-knife show.
....You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.
....You don't even! have one can of WD-40 somewhere around the house.
....The last time you smiled was when you blocked someone from getting on a ramp to the highway.
....You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.
....You have more than one professional sports team in your home state.
....You call binoculars opera glasses.
....You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.
....You don't know anyone with at least two first names (i.e., Joe Bob, Faye Ellen, Billy Ray, Mary Jo, Bubba Dean, Joe Dan, Mary Alice)
....You don't know any women with male names (i.e., Tommie, Bobbie, Johnnie,Jimmie)
....You don't have Mawmaw's & Pawpaw's.
....You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.
....None of your fur coats are homemade.
Does the statement, "We've always done it like that," ring any bells?
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used?
Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US Railroads.
Why did the English build them like that?
Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did "they" use that gauge then?
Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?
Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads?
Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.
And the ruts in the roads?
Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.
The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Bureaucracies live forever. So the next time you are handed a specification and wonder what horse's ass came up with it, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses.
Now the twist to the story;
When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory at Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel.
The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.
So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's behind. And you thought being a HORSE'S Ass wasn't important!
Women's Ass Size Study
There is a new study just released by the American Psychiatric Association about women and how they feel about their asses.
The results are pretty interesting:
85% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.
10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.
The remaining 5% say they don't care; they love him; he's a good man and they would have married him anyway.
My Last Email
I'm sorry to say this but this will be my last e-mail to you.
Things have been a bit tough lately And life is getting shorter and shorter every day.
I want to take the time that's left and smell the Roses.
So I am going to quit e-mailing jokes to you and travel full time with a biker gang To see the country and enjoy life while I still can.
Don't worry about me - they All seem like really nice people.
It has been nice emailing you,
But it's time to say good bye.
A photo of my new biker gang is below....
 |
 |
|
Other Sites of Interest http://www.thehungersite.com - Feed a hungry kid,
it's free. |
|
[
About Us ]
[ Business To Business Sites ]
[ Retail Sites ]
[ Contact us ] [ Client Access ] [ Press ] [ Events ] [ Home ] [ Logos ] [ Request For Quote ] [ Removable Tattoos ] [ Cyberwinks ] [ Tattoo Trading Cards ] [ Retail Tattoos ] [ Whozy Woozy ] [ Sneaker Art ] [ Tattoo Hangtags ] [ Scooz ] [ TIC ] [ Tattoo Greeting Cards ] [ Friday Joke ] © 1998 Chris Co. Inc. |