Real letters from over the years that left Abby speachless...
Dear Abby, A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties.
These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby,
I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby,
I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking instructions in Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby,
My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $150 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
Dear Abby,
Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't and he did it.
Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her mental pause.
Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years ago and he is a doctor.
And these are some classic replies:
Dear Abby,
My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like?
Carol
Dear Carol,
Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.
Dear Abby,
Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early?
Wondering
Dear Wondering,
The baby was on time, the wedding was late. Forget it.
Dear Abby,
I know boys will be boys, but my "boy" is seventy-three and he's still chasing women. Any suggestions?
Annie
Dear Annie,
Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.
Dear Abby,
I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
Sam
Dear Sam,
Yes. Run for public office.
Dear Abby,
What inspires you most to write?
Ted
Dear Ted,
The Bureau of Internal Revenue.
Dear Abby,
I am forty-four years old and I would like to meet a man my age with no bad habits.
Rose
Dear Rose, So would I.
Dear Abby,
What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
Bess
Dear Bess,
Night and day.
Ancient woman
A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they came upon a cave.
Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols, in this order of appearance:
A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a star of David.
It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old. The piece of stone was removed to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols.
They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.
The President of the society pointed at the first drawing and said: "this looks like a woman".
We can judge that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem.
You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil.
The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and the crops didn't grow they would take to the sea for food.
The last symbol appears to be the Star Of David which means they were obviously Hebrews.
The audience applauded enthusiastically.
But in the back of the room a little old man stood up.
"Idiots!" he yelled"!
"Hebrew is read from right to left !
It says: "Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Woman! "
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